so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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