his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
