Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
