I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
