Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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