its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
