I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
