Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
