I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
