Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
