She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
