he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
