she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
