Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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