I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
