end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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