There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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