Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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