Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
