It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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