so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
