She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
