she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
