I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
