so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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