Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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