I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize