at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
