I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
