im six kinds of drunk right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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