well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
