there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
