Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
