cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
