Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wear drunk well.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
