Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
