My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
