She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
