Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize