And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
