I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
