Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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