Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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