No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
FUCK WHALES
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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