Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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