Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
