do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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