If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
