I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
