bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
