im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize