can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
