My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
