i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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