you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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