I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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