I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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