I hate your face
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
