he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I want to be your penis for a week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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