so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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