The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
