Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
