Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize