My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
