tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
