How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
