it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
