Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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