haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
