yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
