I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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