If i come over, it means nothing
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
