I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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